Tired of waiting

The other day l found a journal entry from April where I wrote the following:

"Today, I want to feel engaged, strong, and connected to people. I want to be engaged and present with my kids and whoever I am talking to. This means less time on my phone and less time for them on the tv.

I have such a picture in my head of how I want to live my life and what it should look like, but I waste each day focused on that yet not working to get there. I spend hours scrolling through FB/IG wishing those people could show me how to be them. I focus on my weight and how much I dislike how I look, yet I don't take 100% action - I still am eating foods I know don't do well with me, then I complain that I don't feel good -- DUH!

I'm so done living my life this way! Its not fun, its not inspiring, its not how I want to enjoy my time. Instead I will make good experiences with my kids, I'll set fear aside, I will share on social media - but not spend hours a day on there. I'll focus on maintaining my house, as everyone is in a better mood when its clean. I'll pay bills as they come in and celebrate that we have money to pay them. I'll make crafts. I'll inspire people. I'll stay focused on my day to day. I'll stop feeling sorry for myself. Ill eat the things my body enjoys. I'll stop focusing on the way I look and making my day consumed on hating how I look and how to HIDE how I look.

I'M READY TO TRULY LIVE MY LIFE! <3"

You guys - this was from nearly five months ago -- Five months ago I said I was going to make that change...do you want to know what has changed? Not.A.Damn.Thing! Yes I continue to work on myself, I try to make all those things happen with the way I want to live, and I do really good for about a week, and then I fall back in to those old habits. It has to stop. I am not meant to be holding myself back, I'm not meant to be in a dark place...I'm ready to shine, love my life, have amazing experiences, and TRULY LIVE.

So my next steps are to put together some goals for the month of September. Get things on the calendar now that will allow us to focus on family time and experiences (this is going to get a little more tricky now that my son is in full time kindergarten. But this is the only way it is going to happen - I must do the work. I must put in the effort. And I must get uncomfortable.

Over the next several weeks I'll be documenting this journey here on the blog in hopes that another mama or person who is experiencing these struggles can read along and use the tips and experiences I provide to improve and start living their best life also.