Depression is a BITCH

I don't want this to be a sad post - it's really just an eye opener for me. I am in an alright place, and I'll only go up from here, so no need to be concerned about me. This is more of a share for those struggling with depression as well - to know there are more people just like you.

I hate depression, like truly 110% HATE IT. I've struggled with it for a long time without really realizing what it was. About 1 1/2 years ago I went to the doctor and got put on medication. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and a little bit hopeful. You see, I didn't want to accept that I needed medication, but the place I was at wasn't a good place -- I was so aggravated with the kids and found myself sitting on the floor crying several times.

Fast forward to almost a year later, I decided that it was just postpartum depression, and that I didn't need those pills anymore so I went off them for about a month and BAM, the depression hit again. So back on the meds I went...then about 6 months later I again decided I didn't need those stupid meds...and here I am, hitting rock bottom once again. I'm aggravated with the kids throwing fits, I don't have the patience that I want to have with them. I'm a bitch to my husband, I have things I need to do like clean the house, finish making crafts, work on my health coaching business, but I'm numb.

Last night I realized that I need to go back on the meds...maybe they aren't so stupid after all. Maybe they'll keep me level, and in a good place so I can enjoy my life, my kids, my husband, my family, my friends...maybe it isn't something to be ashamed and embarrassed of that I need the medication.

Last night it clicked that I see myself as a positive, motivating person. Someone who always looks to the bright side on everything, someone who is there for others to lean on. Someone who can help others overcome their problems! An amazing mom who has fun with my kids, takes them on adventures, and makes amazing memories with them and Taelor. But the truth is...right now, I am not that person. That person is in me, but without taking care of myself, making myself a priority, and focusing on getting MY health in order, I will not be able to be that person. So - here is to me taking care of ME.

I think so often depression is thought of as a made up illness...like just cheer up, you'll be fine. But it really isn't made up, people struggle with it, it is a roller coaster, some days are great - other days are terrible. I know people struggle with it much worse than I, and I know there are people out there still trying to figure out what's going on with them.

I don't really know that there is a point to this post, but I needed to sit down and write something about the feelings I am struggling with, and who knows, maybe someone else is feeling the same way and this will help them open their eyes to go get some help and not beat themselves up about it.