Feeling Lost

Before I really dive into my realizing that I am lost, I'll talk a little about my past and how I got to where I am. When I was 21 I got hired on full time at Microsoft. I worked at Microsoft for 7 years, during which I got married and had two kids. I went back to work after we had our first child, when he was 3 months old. He was with a babysitter and it was crushing every time I had to drop him off at daycare, and by the end of the day when I was able to pick him up - it was hurry up, get home, make dinner, do a bath, and put him to bed. It wasn't the way I wanted to raise my child, but it was what I thought it had to be. When we had our daughter almost 2 and a half years after our first, we decided that I would stay home and raise our kids. This was no easy decision, I was the breadwinner in our family, but I had dreamed of the day I could quit and stay home. So once my maternity leave was up, I submitted my notice to leave.

It didn't take long before I noticed that I had kind of lost my self because I didn't have deadlines, meetings, requirements, a set schedule, and I wasn't making my own money. I had the freedom to choose what we were going to do each day, I could wake up with the kids, I could chose to get us out of the house each day, or I could chose to stay home and play all day. But at that moment, I became strictly mom - or so it felt.

Following that I decided I was going to get some health coach/transformation coach certifications. That would give me identity outside of mom...or so I thought. But the problem I realized the other day is that I am still just MOM. I spend my day scrolling through social media trying to figure out how I will use my coaching to make money and help contribute financially to my family. Yes I take the kids out to do a lot of things, but my mind is occupied all the time. I'm not being present, I'm wasting my day away with thoughts that are getting me no where.

Two nights ago this hit me like a ton of rocks. I'm no longer willing to waste these days away. I'm no longer going to focus on how I can make money for our family. The reality is, we are fine with money - we are making it. Instead its time to focus on my kids (I always thought this is what I was doing - but I wasn't being focused/mindful enough about it).

That being said, I'm all done living life that way. I haven't been happy. That is what has led me to start a blog and some social media to go along with it. I want to keep track of my journey in finding who Sarah is. Figuring out what I enjoy, what I'm passionate about, and how I can truly live my life the best way possible.

Whether this blog ends up just being for me and helping me write about this journey and learn from the things I am trying, or if it ends up helping another mom who is feeling the same way and wanting to learn about her self, doesn't matter to me. Although if I can help just one mama figure out how to live her best life while I'm doing the same, it would be incredible.

Can't wait to get this up and going, posting a few blogs a week and posting on Instagram as I learn about ME :)