Finding yourself and reality checks

When I became a stay at home mom I was SO excited!! I couldn't wait to have the days be scheduled however I wanted, wake up and move slowly (I'm not a morning person), have a spotless clean house, play with the kids, bask in motherhood, be so much more relaxed, hang out with my friends who were stay at home moms .... ahhhh the list went on and on.

And then I got about 3-6 months into it...and holy shit my expectations were SO off! My house is NEVER clean, I'm always about 30 minutes late to everything, motherhood is not all about basking in, sometimes getting us out of the house to do those play dates is just down right impossible because either the kids are whining, they don't want to leave, or I don't want to leave.

Oh, and one thing I didn't expect to happen - I lost who I was. I no longer had a 9-5 job, I no longer had tasks I had to complete (other than keep the kids alive), I no longer had meetings, I no longer had a schedule. I couldn't identify with anything other than MOM. I decided I had to go on a mission to figure out who I was or else I was going to go crazy.

I started looking around for a hobby that I enjoyed and tried out several of them -- oh I'll crochet - yah, that didn't go so well...oh, I'll do find a work at home job that I can do before the kids wake up - yah, nope on that one too. I finally came across an online schooling to become a health coach. It sounded amazing, it fit in with everything I believed, and it wasn't just about working out. It was about finding the underlying reason that people are struggling in ALL areas of their life, because the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. I've made some great friends, and really been able to identify who I am much more than ever before. I have found my passion and ability to help people like I've always wanted to do. Its slow going, but I'm happy and it fills my cup when I can help someone.

When I started doing the coaching thing, I worried big time about if I would look like a fraud. I started to become more outgoing, I changed some of my habits, and I hid some of my habits. But most of all what happened was I started being the ME that I've always hidden because I was worried what others would think of me. When I mentioned this to my coach, she said "what if the person you have always been was the fraud and you are finally being you" - WHOA that was a huge realization and a saying I hold with me when I start to worry about what people might be thinking.

Morale to the story - find something that fills your cup. You may not meet all the expectations you originally had - but you'll be a heck of a lot happier if you can find something to do that you are passionate about and that you truly LOVE doing.